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(no subject) [Aug. 2nd, 2007|12:03 pm]
sexandsouthcity
As it creeps up to a year of being with I., there are days when I feel so lucky it's overwhelming. On the same token, there are days when I wonder what the hell I'm thinking, but that's usually from a completely mental crisis of faith.

We're planning a vacation in mid-October to New York. He spends hours a week on the computer or reading travel companions trying to organize the best trip ever. He's working on making it so aside from occasionally putting in my two cents on restaurants and food genres, all I'll have to do is pack and bring some money.

The Restaurant is doing well. I was recently promoted to Office Manager. Oh, and it's no secret about I. and me anymore, although it's still a laugh when someone from the past comes in and finds out for the first time.
Things are strained between the Floor Manager and... well, everybody else that works there. She's a Nazi imperialist and doesn't understand that even she can make mistakes.

There's so much more but this is it for now. Methinks it's time for lunch.
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(no subject) [Jan. 30th, 2007|03:09 am]
sexandsouthcity
It's been a long time since I've been here. Many things have changed and just as many have been the same.

I. and I were very officially figured out by our general manager last night. Yes, we work together. And yes, since August only two of our coworkers have figured it out.

That is to say, until last night when the general manager finally put two and two together and made the connection.

I'm okay with it and I'm pretty sure I. is as well. We've had a good run of secrecy, but considering that on Halloween night we very publicly made out before running out the door and passionately ripping each others' clothes off without anybody noticing our absence, we haven't done the best job at keeping it a secret.

Since September, the last time I wrote, I've only spent a handful of nights at home. Saint Louis, my fair city, has had two major power outages in the blistering cold winter we've experienced thus far, one which made me virtually homeless for an entire week. This has only added to the number of nights I've spent in I.'s bed, curled up against a warm body who still treats me the way he did the first night we spent together.

We have, in fact, used those three evil words before, but it's not a regular thing. We both have a great deal of love and respect for each other, but not the necessity of repeating it often. And I love that. I think too often people in relationships use the phrase "I love you," so often that it becomes meaningless and routine. Since August, we've said it three, maybe four times, but each time we mean it with the same fervor as the first.

Maybe I'm old fashioned. But I find that respectable.
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(no subject) [Sep. 15th, 2006|11:15 am]
sexandsouthcity
We fell asleep the other day with his arms around me, holding my hand.
In the past week or week and a half, I've spent about three nights at home. When I don't sleep there he calls me after work to wish me a good night and to tell me that he'll miss me.
When we're out together he never lets me pay for a drink. Not as if I pay for drinks at the bars we hang out at, but he'll go as far as ordering it for me and he always knows exactly what I want.

It's cute. It really is. I wasn't looking for anything when we started doing this. But we have so much in common, as well as such an attraction to each other it just kind of happened.

Every once in a while he just looks at me and smiles. When I ask him what's up, he just says, "I really like you" and kisses me. I melt when that happens.

Alright, so I'm a hopeless romantic. I know this. He's such a sweetheart though that it doesn't help the situation at all.

We have an incredibly nerdy date to see Spamalot when it comes to town. It's funny that he's just as excited, if not more, to see it as I am.

This could be trouble, but it's worth it.
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"I met her at some restaurant" [Aug. 27th, 2006|02:32 pm]
sexandsouthcity
I. and I went to the show last night. It was our first time in public where we were affectionate enough that somebody could have figured us out. And considering that we know half the population of St. Louis, I'm sure somebody did.
Amazingly, unlike just about every other person I've gone about with, he was a total gentleman; buying me drinks, holding doors, the whole bit.
Tuesday is my day off, and he's taking the day off and we're going to see a movie. It's cute. We're cute.

We're gonna get caught, but it's probably not as bad as I think it'll be.
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I. [Aug. 24th, 2006|03:26 pm]
sexandsouthcity
Last night I worked, as usual. It was a slow night and my coworkers and I spent the evening drinking these terribly addictive coffee drinks.
Wired and off of work, we head up to CBGB, including I. and myself. I. was drinking most of the evening and the rest of us dove right into it. After a thrilling game of trivia, we are all drunk and having a good time. I. and I try our best not to be touchy-feely around the others, but it eventually gets to hard.
I. grabs me and whispers, "Can we please go somewhere where I can kiss you?" and a minute later I'm saying my goodbyes to everybody. We make it to my car where we make out ferociously. We make it back to his place where we had a night of incredible sex. Incredible.

Dammit. I like I. a lot. I wish this whole thing wasn't so weird so we could just do our thing. But tonight I'll probably catch the fallout from my coworkers, who probably figured us out last night. Explaining this one away is going to be tough.

Oh well. Time to get ready for work.
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(no subject) [Aug. 20th, 2006|01:30 am]
sexandsouthcity
Change of plans.
I had to work tonight. Now I'm finally going to that party and then meeting up with I.
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I. [Aug. 19th, 2006|12:26 pm]
sexandsouthcity
I spent the night at I.'s house last night, again.
I worked, hung out with a good friend of mine, then made it back to the South Grand circuit for last call. I hung out with E. at his very closed work for a while. It seems that he and J., whom I saw earlier in the evening, and he have a little competition to see who can hook up with me first. Too bad they don't know about I. or maybe they would back off. Those two actually make me feel a bit like a piece of meat; they make it a point to get me alone with them for a few minutes to hit on me. When they figure out that I'm not going home with either of them, the three of us regroup and hang out as normal.
E. actually apparently sent my traveling companion a text message while we were out of town containing a love letter for me. Neither of our cell phones worked though, so we never got it. That's kind of creepy. I didn't see him for a few weeks before I left and he decided I needed a love letter while I was out of town? Weird.
But anyway, while I was there I. called to wish me a good night. When he figured out I wasn't at home, I offered him a ride home from work. I finished up my conversation with E. and headed over there. After a bit of drunken hilarity and an artistic conference on menu appearance, I took him home.
In front of his house he kissed me and invited me in. I told him I had an early doctor's appointment and needed sleep, so I would just go home. He told me, "If you come in, I'll set an alarm and we'll get into bed. I'll put my left arm under your body and my right arm around you. Then I'll hold you and kiss your neck and we'll go to sleep."
And that is exactly what happened.
I woke up this morning to an alarm being quickly shut off, followed by being kissed and cuddled.

That's the one thing that I really miss in long term relationships-- that period when every night that two people get to sleep next to each other is special. When relationships begin, you go to bed affectionate and wake up affectionate. After a while, you go to bed tired and wake up grumpy, and occasionally you're in a good enough mood to be affectionate. I haven't had this in almost three years, not to mention the fact that I. is a lot more affectionate in general than my recent ex.

I have no reason to see him today because it's my day off. I probably already need a break from South Grand. I have plans with people in the county tonight anyway. I wonder if he'll call tonight. Oy, how girly is it that I'm wondering if a boy will call? I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
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I. [Aug. 18th, 2006|01:12 pm]
sexandsouthcity
I got home from my vacation two nights ago. I. picked us up.
I like I. a lot and have for years. We have a bit of history as well.
So I. picks us up and we take my traveling companion to her car. He and I end up at work, getting a bite to eat and celebrating the two bottles of alcohol I acquired out of the country. This turns into a 5am drinkfest for myself, I., and two of my managers. I make it to my couch before passing out.
Yesterday I do virtually nothing until I go to work. I. is there. He invites me to a party for one of our friends after work. I pick him up and we head over.
A bottle of wine and a few beers later the party is becoming someplace we don't want to be. I drive him home and he invites me in to see a movie we were talking about.
I should know better than to go into I.'s house by now. Every time I've done that I've ended up sleeping there.
To be fair, we made it through about half of the movie last night. I think that may be a record.
There are situations surrounding the two of us that make this a terrible idea. But does plain and simple attraction defeat that? I don't know. I know we can't have a relationship, but if we're just friends with benefits or something of that sort will it drive me crazy? My attraction to him isn't wholly physical.

I'll be seeing him tonight, although not in the context I would wish for. It's going to be very hard to be around people that know us very well and cover up the fact that we gave in to our inability to keep our hands off each other. Chances are we'll have that conversation again tonight, that "I like you, but this is inappropriate" conversation. And things will go back to normal, normal being seeing each other several days a week and ignoring our attraction, for a few months until something breaks it down.

So I find a great guy; smart, rational, hard-working, and with similar interests. But I can't date this guy because of stupid bullshit. It's always something, isn't it?
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(no subject) [Aug. 4th, 2006|01:33 am]
sexandsouthcity
I had some silly idea that being on vacation would either take my mind off of things at home or at least help me solve them.
But no, instead I´m somewhere else thinking about not one boy, but two.
Saturday night brought mixed signals from A. and J. Well, not mixed signals from them, but mixed signals in my head. Eek.
More later.
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M. [Jul. 29th, 2006|02:40 am]
sexandsouthcity
I should have been home hours ago, but no. I decide to hang out at work and enjoy some eye candy all night.
So here I am, three hours after I should have been home, with the same amount of crap I have to do in less time.
And sober no less! Hell, if I'm hanging out with hot boys, I should at least have a few drinks.
Maybe next time.
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